A Guide to Surviving Professional Salespeople

Human beings are very susceptible to suggestion. At least they are when they cease being human beings and become their far less intelligent and slightly less attractive counterparts; customers. Having worked in sales in some form or other for the past five years, though not a veteran by any means, I’ve still seen some pretty sad stuff that makes me wonder about the state of our astuteness as a race. With that in mind, I’m going to give you a quick run though of sales people and their twisted games designed to get you to give them your money.

The greeting
A salesperson will greet each person differently based on age, ethnicity, and marital status. Younger people will most likely hear ‘What’s up?’ whereas older folk might hear something more like ‘How may I help you?’ If you’re Australian you’ll most likely be referred to as ‘mate’, otherwise you’ll be called ‘sir’. If you tell a salesperson your name, he or she will overuse it in an attempt to subconsciously get you to view them as a friend. Which leads me to;

We’re not your friend
The best salespeople will have you convinced that he or she is your best friend. The conversation, jokes, anecdotes; all scripted responses. Not scripted in terms of an actual script, but all salespeople have a routine, and while they ad lib quite often, the basic story behind everything you hear is part of the sales pitch. If a cute girl working in sales smiles at you, she probably isn’t flirting.

We’re liars
Don’t believe a word a salesperson says. How many times have you heard a salesperson say “Oh yeah, I have that model at home myself.” They don’t, 90% of the time. Don’t bother trying to catch them out though, they are committed to the lie and will most likely have an entire back story to go with it.

Pricing
A retail store always has room to move on their prices. Always. This is especially true for more expensive items, televisions, stereos, etc. If a salesperson tells you that the price on the tag is the best he or she can do, they’re two-faced liars. The best way to get a good price is to show interest, so they know you’re serious, but also make it obvious that if they don’t budge on the price you’ll walk out the door. You can save some serious moolah and impress your friends with your hardcore shopping skills.

Asking for the sale
After you’ve spent a while with a salesperson, the conversation will inevitably lead to them wanting your money in exchange for whatever goods or services they’re offering. This is the part where they have given up hope that you’re the kind of person who’ll just say ‘You’ve convinced me, sold!’ They’re relying on your kind nature to buy from them, because people feel guilty after spending so much time with a salesperson and not buying anything from them.

So remember, when shopping, always be on your guard. Unless you’re buying something from me. I’ll take care of you, mate.