Observation

Not many people seemed to enjoy 2008 very much. Well, it's nearly over, I suppose.

Update

I live. It is true.

My good pal buddy friend mate Shealyn just got herself a blogspot and guessed that I had one too, so now I'm updating for the simple sake of it. I really don't have much to say. I went to America which ruled, and I'd like to move there. I'd write about my adventure, but it was a month long trip and I'm not in the mood for typing that much.

Christmas was good. I got presents. I gave presents. Ate lots. Fun.

Also, The Mighty Boosh is a wicked cool show and everyone should watch it. Including you.

:D

My weekend thus far

I just had a shower, did my hair, got dressed up semi-nice, made myself a new driving mix CD and headed down to pick Maz up for some lunch. I got about half way down my street before I heard that weird sound a tyre makes when it's flat.

How the fuck did I get a flat? They're brand new tyres, man. I didn't see anything on the road that could have spiked it, and other than that it's been sitting on my front lawn. I have no fucking idea what's going on, this is my second flat in around six months. I never got a flat with my old car. So now I'm back inside on my computer because I can't go anywhere. Maz's mum borrowed his car so we're both stranded. Lame.

Last night I went out with Jake and Maz to get some dinner at Crown Casino. It was pretty awesome. I had a lot of vodka, which isn't my usual drink (beer, please) but it was awesome anyway.

Oh, I need glasses. Again. Or still, whatever. I got my eyes tested and they're not getting any better. On the bright side, my new frames are awesome. Giorgio Armani semi-rims, silver and black. Way, way cooler than my old Ray Bans.

Jake is coming over now, so I'll put the spare on and then, I dunno, find something to do. I'm not really hungry anymore.

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain

I wish I had something interesting to write here, but I don't.

I saw Shutter. Good to know Joshua Jackson is still alive, otherwise the movie was pretty stock standard. After the movie I spent a few hours driving around with Maz and DJ. We went to Melbourne, ended up in the western suburbs (a place where you're literately afraid to get out of your car) then turned around again. We spent way too long discussing the finer details of Star Wars, until even I grew sick of the nerdtalk and changed the subject.

We did the usual and got some milkshakes (no matter what we do or what we have been drinking, we always end up getting milkshakes at the end of the night if we're sober enough to drive) and sat in the Fountain Gate parking lot, talking about whatever and drinking our shakes. After a while a police car pulled up next to us. The officer asked what we were doing, then asked if there was nowhere else more interesting we could go. I fleetingly thought about asking where she would suggest we go at three AM, but instead just told her we always drink our shakes here then leave. As she was leaving, her flashlight caught my eye and intensified my headache tenfold. Bitch.

Anne Rice might write a final Vampire Chronicle that centers on Lestat, the Talamasca and the theme of redemption. Just stick to your Jesus book, Rice. Lestat died when you took away his fangs and gave him a bible. Just leave him alone, for my sake. Please.

I've been sick for the past week or so. I woke up today and could hardly talk at all. Luckily I was alone all day, so I didn't have anyone to talk to anyway.

That is all I have. When I'm healthy again I'll try to lead a more interesting life.

Two video posts in a row!?

Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong decade. Then I remember how lucky we are to be alive and young at the birth of this new millenium, and that just because I didn't grow up listening to bands like Led Zeppelin doesn't mean I can't enjoy their music. It just means I can listen to classic music as well as modern music. Keeping that in mind, here is an amazing song I've had playing in my head all day.

And here is a much younger song.

The Zelda Dance

If this dance doesn't stop Ganon, nothing will.

Legacy

For the past few weeks, I've had this old guy come into my office. The first time he came in he stayed for nearly forty-five minutes talking to us about completely random things, like smoking and how the landscaping trade has changed over the years. He was a nice old man, but I had a lot of work to do so I kind of tuned him out while I worked, answering him every now and then so as not to seem rude. After he left, my boss told me he has been coming in for years, and has always been very talkative.

He came in a few more times to adjust his order, or to pick up some supplies, and every time he dealt with me. I'm ashamed to admit that this bothered me at first, as I do have quite a bit of work to do and I don't really have time to stop and chat for half an hour most days. However, the last time he came in I was already having an awful day. This time, instead of feigning interest in whatever he was saying, I decided to take the time to really listen to him. We went outside and loaded up his ute with a couple hundred pavers (by hand, because the knuckleheads at the manufacturing plant loaded his pavers onto the same pallet as our stock, meaning I couldn't simply use the forklift to put them on his ute) and I listened to him. He started telling me how he'd been researching his family tree and heritage, and over years had traced his name back as far as 1,000 years. He came into contact with some of the people who shared his name, most of whom were only too happy to pass on whatever information they had.

It got me thinking about my own name, and the history that goes with it. My background is hard to trace, as it covers quite a few nationalities, but it must be possible. The thought of linking the Mallows name back to its roots excites me. I have no idea where it began, or how far back it goes, but I'd like to find out. I also have no idea how to go about achieving this task, but if I'm able to do it, it'd be a great gift to pass down to my children.

The Mallows Complex

Ever wake up and feel like the world would be a better place, if only you were in control? Well, I do, pretty much every day. Here are just a few problems I'd like to have fixed by the time I build Daletopia. If you're not interested in the opinion of some narcissistic bastard who thinks he's the authority on the world because his mommy didn't hug him enough as a child, or because he's really bored and can't think of anything better to do with his time, please stop reading now.

Skinny jeans

I know trends are usually fickle, and by the time anyone has time to write anything about it, people have moved onto some other asinine way to stand out, but the trend of guys wearing girls jeans seems to have actually taken off. Nevermind the fact that by putting on your sisters jeans in the morning you're technically cross-dressing, but you also look completely rediclious. I think I actually preferred it when guys were wearing pants way too big and half way down their asses.

I'd recommend picking up a pair of mens designer jeans. You can get slim fit jeans, only they have more room in the crotch and waist than your girlfriends. And, you know, they're mens jeans.

Super Hero movies

I used to read comics when I was a young lad. I spent my time going on adventures with Spider-Man, the Hulk, the X-Men, etc. Then I discovered girls, but that's a whole other story for another blog. The point is I grew up with these stories. In recent years, Hollywood seems to have discovered these comics I read as a child and decided the time was ripe to bring them all to the big screen, after a number of failed attempts back in the eighties (aside from the Batman series, which was killed in a collective effort by Hollywood producers and George Cloony). Suddenly all my heroes have returned, but something seems off...

Okay, I was excited when X-Men and Spider-Man turned out to be a fairly decent movies, despite the Green Goblins costume. The sequel to Spider-Man was even better, and Batman Begins is probably the coolest comic book movie yet. However, here is a list of movies that made me cry for all the wrong reasons: The Fantastic Four, The Fantastic Four; Rise of the Silver Surfer, X-Men 3, Superman Returns, Hulk, Daredevil, Elektra...need I go on? Because I could, sadly enough.

Ironman, it's all up to you to save our faith in comic book films.

Censorship

I recently started watching repeats of Friends, as I did at one stage enjoy the cheap and predictable laughs the show provided me in my younger years. So I sit down with a coffee and flick on the television. At first, everything seems fine. Then I realize the studio laughter is roaring, and I didn't even hear a joke. I figured maybe I'd missed it, but it happened again and again, like my brain was somehow skipping the punchlines. Was I going crazy? No, they network just decided that they'd cut out anything that vaguely referenced sex.

The only solution I can think of is everyone in Melbourne buying Friends on DVD and playing the episode Chanel Ten are supposed to be playing at the same time. The only flaw I can foresee is I don't know a single person who'd pay good money to buy an outdated TV sitcom, let alone an entire city.

Internet Bloggers

From reporting their shitty taste in music and movies as fact to talking shit about things not even their therapists are paid enough to put up with, these bottom feeders of society are bringing down the universal IQ with their drivel. While you may occasionally find someones opinion or life worth reading about (links to some of these gems are listed on this page), the vast majority are pointless and are a total waste of your time. Yes, I am quite aware of the hypocrisy of this. I'm fighting fire with fire!

I say we close down the Internet. Let's see if people are as willing to write down every thought that randomly pops into their head when there is nobody around to read their crudely carved cave drawings.

HIMYM

Every time I hear the song Hey Beautiful by The Solids (the opening theme for How I Met Your Mother) it makes me think of all the times I stayed up literately all night watching the shows first season on DVD, over and over again. I don't think any TV show has made me laugh and cry as much as How I Met Your Mother. (Except maybe Buffy).

Still, I'm disappointed with the season two DVD set. Not a single special feature for the PAL region. Pure laziness on the part of the studio who releases them. Yeah, I still bought it. But doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

The show, however, remains consistent. I can honestly say that after watching every episode of the first season at least five times, I still laugh out loud often. For me, it's one of those rare shows that I can watch from now until eternity and never get sick of it. Ted, Robin, Marshall, Lily and Barney are friends to me (just check out my friends list on myspace). Please watch this show if you haven't seen it, and if you have and you like it, buy the DVD.

The song is awesome, too.

The Twelve Hundred Dollar Slap

This video sums up my Sunday night.



DJ, the slapper, won approximately $1000 in a poker game at Crown Casino in what I can only assume was a bid to prove me wrong about the game. I’ve always felt poker, and any other game where there is a good chance you’re going to loose money, is a complete and utter waste of time. If I really wanted to get rid of some money, I’d throw it off the bridge overlooking the freeway.

Nonetheless, DJ showed us that at the very least he’s a talented poker player, although if his aim was to prove to me that poker isn’t gambling (one of his many wild claims, though admittedly one of his most foolish) he actually did the opposite, as whoever he was playing against obviously lost money, therefore proving my point which never should have needed explaining in the first place.

He did take Maz (the slapie) and I out for an expensive dinner to celebrate his win though, which was exceedingly generous (and elevated him from Goose status). This status was almost immediately restored when he made a fool of himself and made an enemy for life with our waiter by implying he brought out the wrong drink (he hadn’t).

In other news; I was nearly the owner of an immaculate condition V8AU Ford Fairlane Ghia. Unfortunately my definition of the word immaculate differed greatly from the seller. I learned two things from the experience, 1. used car salesmen are as shifty as the stereotype implies, and 2. when something seems too good to be true, you can be damn sure it is.

Peace,
Daze

Photo Post

I went for a walk around Hampton Park today with my camera, the first three photos are a few of the shots I took. The last two photos I shot down at Sky High, a beautiful place with a view that looks all over Melbourne. They also serve amazing coffee.











Happy Easter, everyone.

Apocalypse, please

Here is a list of people of people who I can rightfully kill under the laws of Christianity.

Homosexuals.

Adulterers

Disobedient children

Women who have sex before marriage

Any non-Christians

Anyone accused of wickedness by more than two people

Anyone who works on the Sabbath.

I'm willing to bet I could wipe out the vast majority of mankind under those laws. Of course thats assuming no one kills me first, which would be quite justified.

Now, just for kicks, lets take a few leaps backwards in feminism.

It is shameful for a woman to speak inside a church

A man must approve of his wifes words for them to have force

A woman must not teach or hold authority over a man

If a woman is suspected of cheating on her husband, the husband may serve her a poison drink. If she becomes deformed, that proves her guilt.

And here are some interesting facts to boot.

God supports slavery.

It's okay to beat slaves if they don't die within two days

Marriage is the lesser of two evils for Christians who can't resist their sexual urges

It's okay to beat your children with a rod. After all, it won't kill them.

The bible includes many good and inspiring passages, of that I'm sure. But I wonder, how do you take such messages from the same book that endorses killing women, children, non-Christians, homosexuals, etc? I realize that in todays world, much if not all of the above listed is considered evil by Christians. My question is how can there be people out there who take the bible seriously, word for word, in some places but completely ignore others?

Some of you might think I'm unfairly attacking Christianity. The truth is, it's the only religion I know what little I do about it. For the record, I feel the same way about pretty much all religious beliefs. However, being Australian, the biggest religion in my life happens to be Christianity, therefore it has more influence than, say, the Muslim belief.

I also feel the same way about psychics, seers, UFOs, ghosts, astrology, etc. While they can be fascinating stories, I simply can't believe them as fact. Tricksters, liars and the genuinely confused.

Is religion still relevant today? Will it be relevant tomorrow? Does the good religion do outweigh the evil? If someone leads a good and charitable life because he believes he will be rewarded after death, is this such a bad thing? I don't think so. But by the same token, I'm deeply disturbed by the idea that this life is simply a gateway into another, eternal life. Spending what I believe is your one and only life auditioning for a second, non-existent life is unhealthy and downright wasteful.

However, let's assume that there is life after death. Should a man who abides by the laws of his country and generally leads a good life truly burn in hell for eternity because he doesn't believe Jesus died for his sins? Growing up, this is what probably bothered me the most about religion. Before I developed solid atheist opinions about these things, I used to reject the idea of hell. I thought maybe you'd spend a certain amount of time in 'hell' until you were ready for heaven. Or that you'd be reincarnated over and over until you passed some divine test and gained entry into the Big Party In The Sky. But really, that was just doing what I accuse religious people of doing, taking bits and pieces of belief systems and putting them neatly together for my own peace of mind. I now believe (almost used the word 'know') there is only one life. You're born, you live, you die.

A good friend of mine, Maz, is Catholic. When we discuss religion and such, I gather he believes in the story, but not necessarily every word of the bible. For a complete report on what he believes you'd have to ask him, but I know he believes in God, but I can't see him killing anyone because they don't believe in his God. Again, you'd have to ask him, but I think he'd agree with me in that the bible itself has been corrupted over the years. Yet this doesn't affect his knowledge that God does exist, whereas if I were ever religious it probably would. Am I just skeptical?

When a religious person looks at an animal hunting, he may see design whereas I see natural selection or evolution. Where he sees a mountain created by God, I see something that has been shaped by nature for a millennia. Is this skeptical? Is being skeptical a bad thing? It doesn't seem so to me. A healthy skepticism seem like a very good thing.

I'll end the post on an obnoxious note with this image:


EDIT: Since writing this (I have it posted on a few pages), I have received a lot of comments reminding me that much of what I have listed is from the Old Testament, which was phased out and replaced with the teaching of Jesus. I accept this (and won't get into the hypocrisy of it). However, I wonder why it was changed? Clearly some of the vicious teachings didn't sit well with the faithful, who, under the watchful eye of the Old Testament God were at risk of being turned into a pillar of salt for the more minor of sins (if they can even be called that).

The addition of Jesus into the bible, I assume, was to show the Church and God in a more positive light. While Jesus is a far more pleasant character than Yahweh, I still find it startling that he was so adamant about tearing apart families.

Anyway, my main point was yes, I know the Old Testament is regarded as barbaric by the vast majority of Christians. I just find it amusing that religious folk try to tell me that religion is the origin of morality. If so, why do people see the Old Testament as out of touch with modern morals? What defines moral behavior? If it were the bible, the New Testament would never have needed to be written.

Oh yes...

I will own this.

For anyone who's interested, Nine Inch Nails have released a digital instrumental titled Ghosts I-IV. It's available for download here: http://ghosts.nin.com/main/home. The first nine tracks are free, the rest you can buy for $5. Or you could just illegally download the entire thing, but that would just be bad form.

It's my birthday!

I really have nothing to add to that. I just felt you all should know that I was born this day twenty two years ago.

Freethought

Aside from sleeping...

On Thursday night I went and saw Iron Maiden preform at the Rod Laver arena. Even though I only know a few of their songs, it was a fantastic concert. The crowd went nuts when they played Number of the Beast, then went insane during Run to the Hills. The most amazing thing was Bruce Dickinson's voice sounds the same now as it did when they were young. Just really amazing stuff.

I had a day of luck last weekend when I went down to JB with Maz so he could buy a Smallville DVD. I decided on a whim that I'd look through the CD's for The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, though I'd never seen it in Australia before (only cheap Chinese imports) and according to Maz, the only way to get it is off ebay. Not only did I find it (and it was the only copy there), it was also on special so I picked it up for $10.

I've been without a car for over a week now. Withdrawal symptoms are beginning to kick in. Not having to drive my friends around for once is great, but having to get a lift to work every morning is beyond inexcusable.

Oh, and I've been reading The Dead Zone by Stephen King. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy his writing.

If the sun won't shine, forever will never be fine

I have to say first and foremost that it is awesome having Paulina back in my life. Speaking to that girl again after so many years of silence was surreal. There seemed to be no hard feelings, and everything just felt very natural. Water under the bridge, you might say. Lina: welcome to the jungle, baby.

I've also begun talking to a very old friend of mine, the first (or second) person I ever met online. By my calculations, I've known this girl seven years, which is just an amazingly long time in my mind. I'm getting to a point in my life where friends mean a lot to me, and in turn I'm trying to be a better, more loyal friend to those I have.

Oh, and both girls are Canadian. God I wish I was in Canada. Think of the snow! I'm so depressed that I haven't seen snow in my entire twenty-one year life.

I want a vacation. I want America. I want New York. And I want snow.

I also want these glasses, but they cost $250.

Triumph!

I'll start with another golden piece of advise, as I did in my last blog. Do not stay out until 4am when you have work the next day. This might sound like common sense, but keep it in mind anyway. If your friends come knocking on your door at midnight, beckoning you into their luxurious car, don't follow. For the love of God, just go to bed.

Here's why: I ended up getting about three and a half hours sleep. Needless to say, I was pretty tired, since I had been staying up pretty late the previous couple of nights. All day at work I had to continuously struggle to keep my eyes open, drink coffee and think deeply to remember the most obvious things. Tired as I was, I held it together pretty well until the end of the day. Right on closing time, there was in influx of customers. After about the third guy came in after we should have been closed, I decided I'd close the back gates to prevent any cars driving on through. Unfortunately, I had the entire content of the till sitting on the counter (some $1000). Normally I would have put the money in a bag and hidden it if I planned on going outside the office, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I went and locked the front door, in case anyone came in while I was locking the back gate.

As soon as I had closed and locked the gate, I knew something was off. I thought about it, scratched my head, couldn't think of anything and decided to shrug it off and get back into the office, which had the air conditioning running. Then it hit me, I couldn't get back in. I had locked the gate which allowed access to the back yard, and had locked the front door. I searched my pockets only to find they were empty. Everything I should have had on my person (wallet, office keys, car keys, cell phone) were all sitting on my desk. Bravo, Dale.

I tried in vain to get into the office, checking to make double sure the door was locked. It was. Climbing the fence was out as the chain links were too small for me to get my feet through, and besides there was three lines of barbed wire across the top. I finally decided that I had no choice but to call my Dad, who would have a ladder I could use to jump the fence, as the back door to the office was wide open. I went out into the street and looked for any place that was open. I went to the office next door, but they were closed. Nobody home. Next door to them, however, was a gym. A womens only gym. Great.

I walked into the gym with the vague notion that I was the only person in the place with a penis. It made me a little uncomfortable. I asked if I could use the phone, which the woman at the counter said was fine. I dialed home, being the only phone number I really know by heart, only to reach my answering machine. I tried about three times, each time only hearing my mothers maddening voice informing me that the Mallows family wasn't home, and to leave a message after the beep. I won't repeat the message I left.

Anyway, I thanked the lady at the gym and left hastily. I saw a massive truck sitting idle by the side of the road, just outside my own office, so I decided to ask him if he would happen to have a ladder for whatever reason. No dice. He did suggest I try the hardware store on the end of the street, though. I like to think that, had my brain been at full power, I'd have thought of that myself. So I thanked him and made my way to The Project Center. It was officially closed, but the door was still open, so I entered. After standing around a seemingly empty office for a minute or two, I heard a knock from the office window upstairs. The manager came down, and I explained to him my sad little situation. I asked if he wouldn't mind lending me a ladder for a few minutes, to which he replied 'We have none left in stock.' I was beginning to think this was some kind of cruel devine prank.

While he went downstairs to see if he had one lying around somewhere, I tried dialing home again. Nada. Another less than polite message. I realize in hindsight that this was nobody else's fault but my own, but I was caught between repressed rage and overwhelming tiredness. Anyway, the manager returned with bad news, but suggested I try using a plank of wood from the yard to lean against the fence and climb over. I figured it was better than standing around like a fool, so I carried this stupidly big piece of timber down the street and back to my office.

I leaned the plank against the fence and attempted to climb, but as I approached the top it started to slip. I jumped back down and pondered trying again and hoping for the best when I finally came up with something that resembled a good idea. I went to the front of my office and carried back a couple of wallstones we keep on display. I used these to keep the blank of wood in place while I climbed, and lo and behold, it worked! I got to the top with very little trouble, but now I had to climb over the barbed wire. This was harder than I had expected, as not only did it slice up my hands nicely, but it also latched onto any piece of clothing that came near it. After struggling to get my legs over the wire (thank God I was wearing thick jeans), I began climbing down, ripping my shirt off the barbs every few seconds. I finally jumped down, bleeding from the hands, arms, stomach and chest. But it was a minimal amount of blood, so I considered it a victory.

After that, I quickly counted up the rest of the money, put it away, closed up the rest of the shop and went home. Sleep that night was sweet.

The End.