Was there a line to get onto the escalator? When you stepped on to the escalator, did you have to hand over a ticket? No? Then it's not a fucking ride, you douche. Do you think I brush past you with that irate expression on my face for shits and giggles? No, it's because you stand there like a retard on a coverer belt and I have places to be.
I understand it must have been quite an effort to get out of bed this morning, and all this walking around the stores has wiped you out. I feel for you, but could you stand to one side so people can get by? Look, you can even lean against the railing!
As for you elephants who take up the whole escalator with your vastness, could you do me a favour and not use this time to recover from the marathon shopping you've been doing? And for the love of hell, if you're going to finish that bucket of fries, do it somewhere else. Do you think I enjoy staring at the ugly pattern of your shirt while tapping my fingers impatiently against the railing? I have somewhere to be and it's ahead of you.
What's that, you have a pram? Well you could leave the bloody baby at home, but I guess that's probably not going to happen. I suppose you've got me there, sir. I'd still appreciate it if you and your crying midget could stand to the left in case I'm in a hurry, though.
Oh, and just because your phone rings doesn't mean you have to stop walking. If you haven't mastered talking while placing one foot in front of the other I implore you to stick your head in a bucket of water and try breathing.
To the next one of you fuckers who stands in front of me and doesn't have the audacity to move a few inches to the side to let me pass, I hope your die in a horrible accident.
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