Many of the people I know have been in a car accident. Most of those people were the cause of their accident through a simple mistake, neglect, stupidity or all of the above. Me? I’ve been in four accidents. Now before you start waving your pitchforks and demand I turn in my license let me make one thing abundantly clear; three of the four accidents I’ve been involved with were caused by the other driver. Let’s go through them in order of appearance.
1. I was turning into my then girlfriend’s driveway, which happens to be on a main road. I indicated and slowed down to turn; the lady in the 4WD behind me wasn’t paying attention and ran straight into me. She admitted fault without argument.
2. I was on my way out of the car park at work heading for a main road. I was heading straight, the driver coming out of a different car park thought he had right of way (he didn’t, this was verified) and ran into the side of my car. Driver initially denied being at fault but relented when our insurance companies informed him of his mistake. I’d also like to point out he was a wanker.
3. I wasn’t paying attention and was in a hurry. Without looking properly I accelerated right into the back of a 4WD. Completely my fault, sever damage to my car as a result (although not enough for it to be considered a write-off). I think she may have claimed some kind of neck pain to the insurance people but I presume that was a rort. Not my concern, anyway.
4. Heading through an intersection through a green light. The gentleman to my left drove out directly in front of me because he was confused by the bus light. I had to explain that even if the light is in the shape of a B instead of the usual circle, you still have to stop if it’s red. I tried to break but it was raining so my car slid into his. He complained about how he’d come from miles away to get cheap petrol, I had to stop myself from pointing out the fact that I really couldn’t care less about his problems since he’d just CAUSED ME TO CRASH MY FUCKING CAR.
That is my record for the past five years. I’ve had more accidents than my parents (though my dad has run into a letterbox and a tree which, when you think about it, is pretty bad because they’re completely stationary). Anyone who has been in a car with me knows I’m not the safest driver in the world; I tend to speed, cross lanes randomly, and generally fuck around. The irony of this is that every accident I have been in I was doing the speed limit and driving safely.
What annoys me about this current accident isn’t the damage to my car or the general inconvenience of it. The thing that really pisses me off is that people are going to assume that I can’t drive, and the fact is it’s bloody hard to argue against the facts. In black and white, I’m a terrible driver. Four accidents. Granted I’ve never had a speeding ticket or any other driving violation (okay, that’s a lie, I did get a ticket for talking on the phone while driving once which was stupid because I was talking to my then girlfriend while I was about five minutes from her house at the time) but the figures are still against me. I have to constantly explain that I wasn’t the cause of three of them, which is a pain in the ass to be honest.
The other thing that is getting under my skin is the possibility that maybe everyone else is right; maybe I am a bad driver. I’m twenty-three and I’ve been in four car crashes, nobody else I know has been in more than one. Maybe there was ways to avoid these accidents that I just wasn’t quick enough to act on at the time. I could have been paying attention and looked in my rear view mirror when I was hit from behind. But then I was still on a main road and if I’d violently turned off the road I would have crashed through a fence. I’m sitting here replaying every accident I’ve been in and trying to figure out if maybe I’m the one who fucked up every time, but I can’t think of any way I could have seen them coming.
I’ve been known to be unfocused in other parts of life. Maybe I’m just not paying enough attention to the road. It can’t be possible that I’m just unlucky, although that would explain the record losses every time I try to gamble.
Putting aside my potentially dangerous driving for a moment, I have to say that my opinion of other drivers has dropped dramatically. The fact that I may have avoided some of the accident I’ve been in doesn’t excuse the fact that they were caused in the first place. The onus to avoid collusions shouldn’t rest entirely with me. I’d also like to point out that two of my accidents were caused by senior citizens (#2 and #4) which, if you recall, was a big concern of mine in a previous blog on the topic of driving. It might be hypocritical of me to start abusing other drivers considering my record, so rather than start sit here and bitch, I’ll paraphrase my own blog (previously posted here)
“We don't let teenagers drive unsupervised until they're eighteen, yet a senior citizen who can't see without coke-bottle glasses and the reflexes of a sloth on weed is fine.
How is it inappropriate to ask seniors to take a test every couple of years, anyway? I'm all for respecting our elders, but not at the expense of my own safety (and yeah, impatience). Old people can't see as well as the young, they're reflexes aren't as good, and let's face it, the road rules have changed since they were teenagers. This isn't news, our bodies degrade over the years. It's time to stop ignoring this and accepting it for what it is. Sure it's a hassle to book an exam and get down to the local Vic Roads to take the exam, but it's not like they're going to be too busy. They're mostly retired, and I'm sure they can take a day off from lawn bowls for a simple driving test. Give them a discount, or hell, make it free, but for the love of all that is decent in this motherfucking country, do something.”
I’d be happy to take a driving test myself. Who knows, it might save a life, or at the very least save my poor car from getting another quiltin’.
Finally, there are two positives I can think of to all if this. Firstly, after four accidents I’m in absolutely no financial trouble. Anyone who thinks insurance is a waste of money clearly sucks dick is mistaken. The second is the fact that after four accidents, the worse injury I’ve had is being slightly winded from the seatbelt in my latest crash. I’m working on the theory that I’m invincible. I’ll let you know how that works out. In the event of my sudden death I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you all that I'm actually a scientologist.
Jusqu'à la prochaine fois, mes amours,
Delaney Mállos
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Job Hunt: May - June 2009
My full time job was made redundant just over a month ago. My former place of employment, which shall henceforth be referred to as My Former Place of Employment, was forced to make some cuts for reasons best left untyped. Suffice to say I was given notice, a firm handshake and a pretty generous severance payout which has prevented me from having to turn tricks on the street corner again. Not being quite as clueless as I doubtless seem, I did in fact see it coming before it happened. Unfortunately seeing something coming and actively taking action as a result of it are two very different things.
Had I been prepared, I would have taken the time to look for another job or at least scanned the papers to see what kind of work was going around. As it happened, I didn’t do either of those things and when I found myself unemployed and without any prospects for the first time in years, I was completely ignorant of the current employment situation. For three weeks I applied for jobs every day, from small time casual work to managerial roles I’m not even qualified for. I’m an equal opportunist applier. I heard almost nothing back from any of the places I applied to in that time, which frankly surprised me since my resume paints me as a pretty impressive, well rounded individual.
A resume is, by default, supposed to talk you up and make you sound more remarkable than you probably are. Here are some of the features I pointed out about myself on my resume.
1. Five years of sales and customer service. (Exaggerated)
2. Two types of forklift license. (Factual)
3. Excellent computer knowledge. (Slightly exaggerated)
4. Ability to balance multiple priorities (False)
5. Very good communication and customer service skills (Factual, in my opinion)
I also included a list of duties I have performed in previous roles as long as my leg, and the majority of those are legit. I’ve heard feedback from my two previous employers that my cover letter was extremely well written, and my list of referees include co-workers, supervisors, managers and even a company director. If hiring was based purely on a person’s resume, I’d hire myself in a heartbeat. I’d probably end up firing myself in the end but that’s not really the point of this blog.
What surprised me was that I didn’t even hear back from some places. Alright, fair enough that I didn’t hear back from the office in Dandenong that required at least two years of managerial experience, but what about JB Hi-Fi? I applied to about five different roles in stores all over Melbourne and didn’t hear a single thing back. Same with Harvery Norman. I don’t want to sound too arrogant (oh, who am I kidding, I love sounding arrogant) but not only am I qualified for those jobs, they should have been happy to hear from someone as experienced as Yours Truly.
Now, before you read this and think I’m pissing and moaning because I can’t get a job, kindly blow me as I am currently employed and have been for a whole three days now.
No, what I’m bitching about is the fact that it took a full month to find a job. Personally, I blame the modern way of applying for jobs. Practically every job I applied for had to be done online, a system which is infinitely easier on employers but really takes away the human experience for the potential employee. When a job is applied for online, there is no give and take between the employer and the person applying for the job, no initial meeting.
I also have a chip on my shoulder because I found out that four of the emails I sent applying for positions at different offices didn’t go though and therefore possibly cost me gainful employment.
The bottom line is thus: being unemployed is fucked. Even though I have money I can’t justify spending it most of the time because I know it’s not going to be replenished in a week’s time, I’m almost constantly bored and within two days of not having job my sleep pattern was shot to hell. It’s currently 3am and I’m sitting on my computer bitching about the fact that I’m up at 3am.
One last thing, and this is the very same thing that royally pissed me off back when I was a brash young teenager looking for work purely because I wanted a car; if you say you’re going to get in touch with someone after they have sent in a resume, fucking do it. Even if it’s bad news, I’d very much appreciate a quick phone call saying “Thanks but we’re going with someone else.” It might be an awkward call to make, but it’ll sure as hell be beneficial for the poor bastard sitting on his couch in his underwear with a king size bowl of Fruit Loops watching Buffy on DVD for the 500th time.
In short, anyone I applied to in the last month who didn’t see fit to hire me or at least call me to let me know I wasn’t successful can go and screw themselves.
Had I been prepared, I would have taken the time to look for another job or at least scanned the papers to see what kind of work was going around. As it happened, I didn’t do either of those things and when I found myself unemployed and without any prospects for the first time in years, I was completely ignorant of the current employment situation. For three weeks I applied for jobs every day, from small time casual work to managerial roles I’m not even qualified for. I’m an equal opportunist applier. I heard almost nothing back from any of the places I applied to in that time, which frankly surprised me since my resume paints me as a pretty impressive, well rounded individual.
A resume is, by default, supposed to talk you up and make you sound more remarkable than you probably are. Here are some of the features I pointed out about myself on my resume.
1. Five years of sales and customer service. (Exaggerated)
2. Two types of forklift license. (Factual)
3. Excellent computer knowledge. (Slightly exaggerated)
4. Ability to balance multiple priorities (False)
5. Very good communication and customer service skills (Factual, in my opinion)
I also included a list of duties I have performed in previous roles as long as my leg, and the majority of those are legit. I’ve heard feedback from my two previous employers that my cover letter was extremely well written, and my list of referees include co-workers, supervisors, managers and even a company director. If hiring was based purely on a person’s resume, I’d hire myself in a heartbeat. I’d probably end up firing myself in the end but that’s not really the point of this blog.
What surprised me was that I didn’t even hear back from some places. Alright, fair enough that I didn’t hear back from the office in Dandenong that required at least two years of managerial experience, but what about JB Hi-Fi? I applied to about five different roles in stores all over Melbourne and didn’t hear a single thing back. Same with Harvery Norman. I don’t want to sound too arrogant (oh, who am I kidding, I love sounding arrogant) but not only am I qualified for those jobs, they should have been happy to hear from someone as experienced as Yours Truly.
Now, before you read this and think I’m pissing and moaning because I can’t get a job, kindly blow me as I am currently employed and have been for a whole three days now.
No, what I’m bitching about is the fact that it took a full month to find a job. Personally, I blame the modern way of applying for jobs. Practically every job I applied for had to be done online, a system which is infinitely easier on employers but really takes away the human experience for the potential employee. When a job is applied for online, there is no give and take between the employer and the person applying for the job, no initial meeting.
I also have a chip on my shoulder because I found out that four of the emails I sent applying for positions at different offices didn’t go though and therefore possibly cost me gainful employment.
The bottom line is thus: being unemployed is fucked. Even though I have money I can’t justify spending it most of the time because I know it’s not going to be replenished in a week’s time, I’m almost constantly bored and within two days of not having job my sleep pattern was shot to hell. It’s currently 3am and I’m sitting on my computer bitching about the fact that I’m up at 3am.
One last thing, and this is the very same thing that royally pissed me off back when I was a brash young teenager looking for work purely because I wanted a car; if you say you’re going to get in touch with someone after they have sent in a resume, fucking do it. Even if it’s bad news, I’d very much appreciate a quick phone call saying “Thanks but we’re going with someone else.” It might be an awkward call to make, but it’ll sure as hell be beneficial for the poor bastard sitting on his couch in his underwear with a king size bowl of Fruit Loops watching Buffy on DVD for the 500th time.
In short, anyone I applied to in the last month who didn’t see fit to hire me or at least call me to let me know I wasn’t successful can go and screw themselves.
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