I'll start with another golden piece of advise, as I did in my last blog. Do not stay out until 4am when you have work the next day. This might sound like common sense, but keep it in mind anyway. If your friends come knocking on your door at midnight, beckoning you into their luxurious car, don't follow. For the love of God, just go to bed.
Here's why: I ended up getting about three and a half hours sleep. Needless to say, I was pretty tired, since I had been staying up pretty late the previous couple of nights. All day at work I had to continuously struggle to keep my eyes open, drink coffee and think deeply to remember the most obvious things. Tired as I was, I held it together pretty well until the end of the day. Right on closing time, there was in influx of customers. After about the third guy came in after we should have been closed, I decided I'd close the back gates to prevent any cars driving on through. Unfortunately, I had the entire content of the till sitting on the counter (some $1000). Normally I would have put the money in a bag and hidden it if I planned on going outside the office, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I went and locked the front door, in case anyone came in while I was locking the back gate.
As soon as I had closed and locked the gate, I knew something was off. I thought about it, scratched my head, couldn't think of anything and decided to shrug it off and get back into the office, which had the air conditioning running. Then it hit me, I couldn't get back in. I had locked the gate which allowed access to the back yard, and had locked the front door. I searched my pockets only to find they were empty. Everything I should have had on my person (wallet, office keys, car keys, cell phone) were all sitting on my desk. Bravo, Dale.
I tried in vain to get into the office, checking to make double sure the door was locked. It was. Climbing the fence was out as the chain links were too small for me to get my feet through, and besides there was three lines of barbed wire across the top. I finally decided that I had no choice but to call my Dad, who would have a ladder I could use to jump the fence, as the back door to the office was wide open. I went out into the street and looked for any place that was open. I went to the office next door, but they were closed. Nobody home. Next door to them, however, was a gym. A womens only gym. Great.
I walked into the gym with the vague notion that I was the only person in the place with a penis. It made me a little uncomfortable. I asked if I could use the phone, which the woman at the counter said was fine. I dialed home, being the only phone number I really know by heart, only to reach my answering machine. I tried about three times, each time only hearing my mothers maddening voice informing me that the Mallows family wasn't home, and to leave a message after the beep. I won't repeat the message I left.
Anyway, I thanked the lady at the gym and left hastily. I saw a massive truck sitting idle by the side of the road, just outside my own office, so I decided to ask him if he would happen to have a ladder for whatever reason. No dice. He did suggest I try the hardware store on the end of the street, though. I like to think that, had my brain been at full power, I'd have thought of that myself. So I thanked him and made my way to The Project Center. It was officially closed, but the door was still open, so I entered. After standing around a seemingly empty office for a minute or two, I heard a knock from the office window upstairs. The manager came down, and I explained to him my sad little situation. I asked if he wouldn't mind lending me a ladder for a few minutes, to which he replied 'We have none left in stock.' I was beginning to think this was some kind of cruel devine prank.
While he went downstairs to see if he had one lying around somewhere, I tried dialing home again. Nada. Another less than polite message. I realize in hindsight that this was nobody else's fault but my own, but I was caught between repressed rage and overwhelming tiredness. Anyway, the manager returned with bad news, but suggested I try using a plank of wood from the yard to lean against the fence and climb over. I figured it was better than standing around like a fool, so I carried this stupidly big piece of timber down the street and back to my office.
I leaned the plank against the fence and attempted to climb, but as I approached the top it started to slip. I jumped back down and pondered trying again and hoping for the best when I finally came up with something that resembled a good idea. I went to the front of my office and carried back a couple of wallstones we keep on display. I used these to keep the blank of wood in place while I climbed, and lo and behold, it worked! I got to the top with very little trouble, but now I had to climb over the barbed wire. This was harder than I had expected, as not only did it slice up my hands nicely, but it also latched onto any piece of clothing that came near it. After struggling to get my legs over the wire (thank God I was wearing thick jeans), I began climbing down, ripping my shirt off the barbs every few seconds. I finally jumped down, bleeding from the hands, arms, stomach and chest. But it was a minimal amount of blood, so I considered it a victory.
After that, I quickly counted up the rest of the money, put it away, closed up the rest of the shop and went home. Sleep that night was sweet.
The End.
